Among siblings, small quarrels over toys or the TV remote are natural. As parents, we want to intervene quickly for the children’s good to resolve the conflict. However, sometimes the methods and phrases we use can worsen the situation, especially from the older child’s perspective. How can we avoid creating barriers between siblings and resolve conflicts amicably?

“You have to share”

Forcing anyone to share their belongings does not build positive and healthy relationships. Children often argue over toys when they both want to play with the same doll or car. Parents sometimes impose on the older child the obligation to share with the younger one. When forced to share, the child may feel their opinion and needs don’t matter, as they must give in against their will. Instead, parents can negotiate, showing that sharing is optional – they don’t have to, but it would be kind if they agreed.

“You must give in”

When intervening in sibling quarrels, it is important not to place all the blame on the older child. They may comply to avoid being labeled as “the naughty one.” Alternatively, they may react with rebellion and anger – in neither case do they learn empathy or assertiveness. To handle the situation better, the only argument cannot be the younger sibling’s age; the request should be properly explained. The child must know that both their “yes” and “no” will be equally respected.

“You’re older, you must understand”

Expecting maturity from a child who isn’t ready can be very harmful. If we cannot give the older child enough attention because we are caring for the younger one, it is better to explain our perspective. This helps the older child understand why we made such a decision, empathize with the other side, and give in without resentment.

Such situations can negatively affect sibling relationships. It is crucial that children feel both the younger and older are equally important and their decisions and opinions are respected.